That’s when my cell phone started ringing. Energy costs in Florida have been on the rise all summer and as the price of the kilowatt-hour has gone up, my family has been finding ways to bring their demand for kilowatt-hours down.  My contribution was the Energy-star 4.1 certified Samsung LCD television that arrived at their house earlier this week.  Merry Christmas, from San Francisco!

 In my own life I have also been cutting out energy consumption in large chunks and making my carbon footprint as tiny as possible — more out of concern for the environmental and social costs, than monetary reasons.  However, as far as money is concerned, I hardly even notice that I have an energy bill these days: no television, all CFL light bulbs, and no oven or stove usage because I’ve been a raw foodist for nearly a year.  Paying my energy bill costs as much as having lunch at La Boulange! 

 The majority of my waste is compost and recycling. I take the actual trash – meaning plastic packaging that isn’t recyclable – out once a month.  And I’ve cut down on eating the processed foods that come wrapped in all of those wasteful packages.

 My favorite upgrade to the future however, is the change I’ve made in my transportation habits. 

Since the beginning of the rehearsal season in July, my bike has been my mode of transportation. I’ve  biked to work every day, except for maybe four or five. 

 Alas, in the past few weeks I have started to re acquire my taste for the comforts of a car for everyday use.  The winter weather along with the Nutcracker rehearsal and performance schedule has caused me to reconsider my mode of transportation on recent mornings.  On several occasions I have succumbed to my desire to be warm and rest my overworked legs.  Hark, there is a solution to this dilemma.

 In late November, on a rare day off, I ventured over to the SF International Car Show to satisfy a curiosity that has been building over the past few months. I’m speaking of Nissan’s new all electric car. The future has arrived and I had to see it so I went for a test drive.  Then afterward, before I had time to devise a plan to acquire this vehicle for myself, a young man asked if I would be interested in making a short video on why I deserve a Nissan Leaf and thereby entering a competition to win the car.  My answer: um, yes!  So I pulled out all the stops and I topped my video off with a double tour in front of the car. Unfortunately, that half of the video was lost in cyberspace and I am forced to use only the first half of the video to rally for votes.  But I’m no quitter. If anything I’m more motivated to win than if I had a flawless video to post.  But, I can’t do it alone.  I need you and everyone you know to vote for my video. 

To vote:

Click here and enter your email address in the box on the upper right (don’t worry they won’t spam you); you’ll only get one email to confirm your vote.

Go to your inbox and open the email from Nissan Leaf Tour. Click on the link in the email to confirm your vote.

Then do it again for every email address you have.

Finally, share this video with everyone you know. Thanks for your participation! The voting period ends December 30.

Taking a break

Opening night was a blast; I danced with a confidence and commitment that made every breath and movement come alive for me. I was dancing with the knowledge that I wouldn’t have just one opportunity to dance this ballet and make something of it. In fact, I would have at least five other performances – not just to get it right, but to give it a chance to grow and ripen into a delicious experience to remember for the rest of my life. Upon reflection I realize there may be a million and one techniques for creating spontaneity in something that has been rehearsed for several months, however, it all boils down to “being present.”

Our culture and society has taught us to rely on habit in order to survive the day and accomplish all the mundane tasks expected of us. But habits are deceptive because we never experience the same moment twice, ever. So, no activity is ever the same as the last time it was executed. Habit can lead to a poor execution of the task at hand.

In performance there is this contradiction, a paradox even, of relying on muscle memory and habit to execute the steps, but needing to bring awareness to the uniqueness of the moment. That is the idea behind presence. I faced this challenge over the past two weeks and I would say that for the most part, I succeeded in at least making the experience new for myself each time, while maintaining consistency of execution, for my partner at least. I wish I could dance Ibsen’s House a hundred more times in the present–with a hundred more paradoxes of same and different.

Wow, what a month. December was exhausting. Because I am not able to travel home anymore during the holidays, my family has moved the Christmas celebrations 2,813 miles from Jacksonville Beach, FL to San Francisco just so we can all be together. I host Christmas now; I’m responsible for the tree, the food, the sleeping arrangements, the grocery shopping and presents. A normal load for many during this time of year, but for me this is on top of a work schedule that includes dancing any one of three different parts, two shows a day, six days a week, for two and a half weeks. It’s tiring. I guess that’s when it’s nice to have my family here in California with me. Having my family around reminds me of my childhood and keeps the magic of the holidays and especially the magic of the Nutcracker fresh. After all, it is the show responsible for my pursuit of the performing arts, and I’m sure it’s the same for so many others. This reminds me how lucky I am to share my own special memories with others and to be a part of the magic for so many. But, I can’t wait to catch up on my sleep!

Oysters!

My brother, sister, and me on the ferry to visit Alcatraz on my morning off.

I only danced two performances at City Center, but they were important ones to me. Not only was my mom there, but I danced two of the biggest roles I have danced to date with this company. The second Friday night performance was my first ever show of Double Evil. Then the next day during the matinee, I performed a great role in Ibsen’s House with Clara Blanco. The first three quarters of our stay was comprised of me finding ways to stay in shape for the big shows, like running the ballets by myself in an empty studio, seeking out convenient yoga classes and, of course, marathon shopping. I had a week and a half in New York before the shows, and I had to distract myself from all the anxieties that accompanied this opportunity to dance significant roles with what is currently being praised as the greatest ballet company in the country, and among the best in the world. 

The first two days, the stress manifested itself physically. I walked off the plane with one of the most crippling flare-ups of tendonitis in my ankle that I have ever had. It lasted for two days and when it finally subsided, after much coaxing, it became apparent how the chronic pain was a direct result of my emotional and mental stress.  I was becoming overwhelmed by the prospect of being put on a stage in front of one of the most judgmental audiences in the world with “over the top” expectations and the looming possibility of my failure to deliver something worthy of their time, not even to mention their money. 

It seems we (I guess I should speak for myself, but we’re not much different, you and me) always fear the unknown, but why? What negative experiences do we have of the unknown that would create such a reaction? Doesn’t the unknown hold endless possibility? Isn’t that a positive thing?  Shouldn’t we embrace it with love and fearlessness? Ah, I found my mantra. The efforts of the next ten days were spent trying to convince myself of this mantra. It is very easy to know something intellectually, but very difficult to believe and trust it.  

The final rehearsal (and the only one onstage) the day before left me in tears – still, that silly stress thing was getting in my way. It was then, as with all great tales, that divinity stepped in. A mentor stepped in with a few words that rang out and echoed through my whole being, “Be yourself and do what you do, that’s why you were chosen to do this.”

I walked in to New York City Center Friday morning with a newfound courage to dance and live. I lived Jorma Elo’s Double Evil. I lived every moment of it. And it felt good. No, it felt awesome. 

I love that my work is so alive and requires so much presence, commitment, and vulnerability. I am given permission to explore the depths of my inner being daily, to express my deepest wishes and desires through the most basic form of communication, movement. It’s frightening stuff, but the rewards are endless. Ever since arriving in San Francisco my ego has been flooded with a great deal of insecurity and fear. I want so badly to be a part of this company, but my longing has blinded me from realizing that I AM a part of this company! The faith put in me by the artistic staff has inspired a new level of confidence in myself.

Orange County, bring it on.